The US Environmental Protection Agency has issued 10 tips for managing waste and chemicals in the average real grass garden:
1. Research and learn more about the plants, wildlife and local weather
2. Chose the right plants - preferably those which don't use a lot of water
3. Water sparingly, apply mulch and use drip irrigation
4. Identify which pests visit the garden and how to control them with minimal pesticide use
5. Prevent fertilizer and garden debris from going into the drains
6. Read and follow all fertilizer instructions carefully
7. Use native plant species and avoid imported species
8. Build a compost pile
9. Cut your lawn at the highest setting and leave clippings in place
10. Respect your neighbours and keep your garden safe

See full article: http://www.epa.gov/reg3wcmd/pesticideslawn.htm
Of course you could just install artificial grass and enjoy a far better lifestyle!